Top 10 Reasons to Surf the Net
- The pure enjoyment of pornography.
- Shopping, the goal is to spend more then your hourly wage on company time and bandwidth.
- Search for totally useless facts to stump and amaze your co-workers.
- Seek out investment opportunities in hopes you strike it rich, by the company and shut down your bosses access to the internet.
- Pornography, just see if it's really on the net, really just curiosity.
- To find and download non-standard applications that will conflict with the standard applications imposed by the IS Department, because the IS department wouldn't let you install Quake on the servers.
- See if you can find a site that's been hacked, before the owner knows it's been hacked.
- To locate anonymous servers that let you visit pornographic sites your coworkers can't because of block imposed by the IS Department.
- See how many times you can find your name on the net and in how many different countries.
- To download (a.k.a. pirate) graphics for your own personal page you ftp to your ISP on the company T3.
Top 20 Ways to Annoy Public Bathroom Stallmate
- Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
- Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
- Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with bodily function noise.
- Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
- Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"
- Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
- Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
- Say, "Now how did that get there?"
- Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
- Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew>Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
- Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."
- Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
- Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."
- Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about>Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.
- Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
- Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
- Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
- Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
- Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
- Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"
Top Ten Absolutely, Positively, Ridiculous Host Names
- tragically.hip. berkeley.edu
Top Ten Signs You Should Spend Time Away from Computers
(AKA, you need to get a life)
- Every time you drown, Philippe Kahn's life passes before your eyes.
- You can't remember the last time you went out with your buddies and got seriously defragged.
- You turn down dates because you have to clean your Windows directory tonight.
- As your significant other is walking out on you, you plead "Can't we just do a clean boot?"
- When you don't agree with people, you keep saying NAK at them.
- Your life has lost its meaning since Intel and Microsoft announced Plug and Play.
- 900 numbers? never touch 'em>But you've racked up $2,500 in IRC connect-time bills this year.
- The Microsoft Natural Keyboard seems like a pretty neat idea.
- You get more than half the jokes in this list.
Top 20 Valujet Advertising Slogans
- Valujet: because real men land where they want
- Fly Valuejet>Find out if there really is a God
- That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots
- Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks>We try to get as close as possible for the best view
- Bring a bathing suit
- Valuejet: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us
- Valuejet: We may be landing on your street
- Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose
- Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
- You think it's so easy, get your own damn plane!
- The kids will love our inflatable slides
- Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you
- Complimentary champgne during free-fall
- Are our engines too noisy? Don't worry, we'll turn them off
- Our staff has lots of experience consoling next-of-kin
- Ask about our out of court settlements
- On certain flights, every section is a smoking section
- Join our frequent near-miss program
- Valujet: We're Amtrak with wings
- Valujet: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you
Created: 17-July-1998, Last Updated: 12-April-199
camilian since 1-May-1998
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