THE SURREALIST GARDENER?

               HOLLYWOOD, JULY 19, 2202:

    Gardener Fiero Tries To Staunch A Wound On His Neck       

Many strange stones pass in the movie capital of the world, and we usually attempt not to look. But - to your favorite fame raven  - this is the oddest yet. A mustachioed man seen tending the tulips in the gardens of the gorgeous mannequin Julia Roberts looks suspiciously like long-considered dead Surrealist Pope, André Breton! Upon my boldly asking him if he were indeed the French "Tart of Oddity," the gardener said his name was Carlos Fiero and that he had no idea who this "Andy Britain" fellow was! However, I remain convinced that this is THE news item of the year, and will report further on it as information becomes available. Of course - if necessary - I shall not hesitate to make the story up as I go along.

SCIENCE FRONTLINES

Comely Surrealist Purchases Tiny Self!

by

Ormulu Yankee: Psychic Physicist

TINY HEAD - BIG DREAMS!!!!!!! 

LISTEN UP GENETICS FREAKS!!!!!!!

While in Guatemala recently, Yves Tanguy reportedly happened across a shaman/geneticist who - using some "porani" leaves and a DNA-recompositor stencil - produced a homunculus in the very form of Yves himself!. Yves - ever the experimenter - was so taken with  the little fellow (who spoke fluent Urdu) that he legally married him the next day in Reno, Nevada! They are abiding happily in a small chalet outside Zurich, and Yves informs us that the miniature Yves (named "Tinyguy Tanguy") is learning how to paint biomorphic miniatures. Trench coat by Hasbro©.

MARCEL DUCHAMP APOLOGIZES FOR MODERN ART

 

     A tearful Marcel Duchamp (recently appointed head clerk at the Paris Wal-Mart) faced a crowd of hostile journalists yesterday, and said that the sterile horror that is modern art is all his fault. He was cradling a stinking object in his arms, which (as he later explained at the afternoon tea) was the shrunken head of Leonardo Da Vinci, which he had purchased in Chicago.

    There is no getting around it: Marcel is infatuated with an aesthetic guilt that can only be placated by the total annihilation of art. He called for volunteers.

  Pasadena, July 2, 2314

Yoko Waits For Dali To Stop Dreaming

 

REVERT TO TYPE 

Our dear Dali obviously likes them economically hungry and coldy manipulative! Early in July, an visibly drugged Salvador made his way to the Drop In Chapel and chained himself to the widow of John Lennon. Yoko expressed an abiding boredom with the entire affair and said that her new hubby's "aesthetic hobbies" - while certainly amusing - were "old hat" and that she planned to get him "up to snuff" with a few happenings involving chocolate watches melting in the California sun ("desires are soft!" screamed a bullet-proof vested Yoko), and several hundred poodles painted with swastikas ("Because I had some left over from my birthday party," explained the new Mrs. Dali: whether she was referring to poodles or swastikas, we could not tell!). A palpable air of disdain hung over the gathering, which included such luminaries as John Updike, Hillary Clinton, and Michael Bolton. Michael - by the way - has just recorded a new version of "I Am The Walrus" claiming to have written it.