Digested Questions
These are the questions I've written that have been
answered by others and published as Oracularities in the Digests.
"Movie" is probably my favorite answer received so far.
AskMe
Body
Condoleezza
Defenestration
Movie
<![CDATA[
--- 1356-04 4gec7 3.0 ----------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: "Mark Lawrence" <lawrence.4@osu.edu>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle Most Wise,
>
> Condoleezza, Condoleezza, men have named you,
> You're so like the lady with the mystic smile.
> Is it only 'cause al Qaeda foes have flamed you?
> For you know the plan is next to bomb the Nile.
>
> Does this have any chance on top-40 radio?
>
> Nathaniel Adams
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} It's silly, pointless, and doesn't make sense.
}
} Stands as good a chance as anything.
]]>
<![CDATA[
--- 1356-07 3fma3 2.9 ----------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" <alycewilson@lycos.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle Most Wise,
>
> I can answer any question. Go ahead, just ask me anything.
>
> For instance, "Why question authority?". Or, "Would I ask
> you a rhetorical question?". Oh, "To vacillate or not to
> vacillate, that is the question .... or is it?". Maybe even,
> "As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question
> is wrong?" Yeah. A question about questions. Can you ask
> me something like one of those?
>
> (P.S. To save you and me both some time, I'll tell you in
> advance my answer to your question: "I don't know." That's
> a good answer to any question. Mark Twain said so; QED.)
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Oracle - "Zadoc! ZADOC!"
}
} (enter Zadoc, prostrating himself and grovelling)
}
} Zadoc - "Yes, liege and ever-benign master?"
}
} O - "Look at this garbage! It seems like there's more of them every
} day!"
}
} Z - "Master, I'm sorry, but we haven't the power or resources to cause
} an end to the garbage strike. The union demands are just too great for
} our budget to.."
}
} O - "NO, you imbecile! These questions! These SUPPLICANTS! It seems
} like for every bag of honest, straightforward, properly grovelled
} questions you bring me, I get another two bags of supplicants who think
} THEY'RE the omniscients being!"
}
} Z - "I.. I'm sorry, master, that I haven't done as bang-up of a job on
} filtering as I should. I'll retire myself to your discipline chambers
} and scourge myself immediately.."
}
} O - "No, Zadoc! That can wait until after lunch. We need to take care
} of these supplanting supplicants immediately. I'm sure you know what
} to do."
}
} Z - "Well, I know you wanted the turkey and swiss on rye, but I don't
} think we have the kitchen stocked enough to feed the troublemakers too,
} sir."
}
} O - "Feed the..? You.. NO, ZADOC! I want you to fetch me my Staff of
} Zot and the Enchanted Distilling Equipment! I know EXACTLY what will
} set these uppity supplicants right!"
}
} Z - "But, the turkey and swiss on rye is still a go, master?"
}
} O - "Yes, I think that would be.. NO, YOU FOOL! THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT
} THAN YOUR THRICE-DAMNED DELICATISSANRY!"
}
} Z - "If you say so, sir, but I really think you're missing out this
} time. I got the rye from that new Great Harvest that opened up on
} 3rd."
}
} O - "Great Harvest, you say? Well, that does sound.. GAH! No, Zadoc,
} I'm sure this can wait! We'll handle the supplicants, then go for
} lunch."
}
} Z - "Aye, Master!"
}
} (Zadoc runs to fetch the Enchanted Distilling Equipment, recently
} "borrowed" from the Guinness Brewery, and the infamous Staff of Zot)
}
} Z - "Here it is, master! And black as a pint, it is!"
}
} O - "Excellent, Zadoc! Now, I shall take the Staff, and route a Class
} 3 ZOT through the distillery, and.."
}
} (hours pass)
}
} O - "It is done! A pint worth of bitterness in every reply to
} smart-alecky upstart supplicants who dare to question me with questions
} of questioning!"
}
} Z - "..I don't understand, master."
}
} O - "Precisely! Now, a triumphant return!"
}
} Z - "And lunch?"
}
} O - "Especially lunch!"
}
} You owe the Oracle a 6" meatball sub and a pint of the black stuff.
]]>
<![CDATA[
--- 1359-01 18ji4 3.3 ----------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) <dvk@lonewolf.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle Most Wise and Macrocephalic,
>
> "The chief function of the body is to carry the head around."
> --Albert Einstein
>
> Do you agree or disagree?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} I agree.
}
} I don't!
}
} Will you shut up, Left Toe!
}
} No! I think the body is more important that that! Liver agrees with me,
} don't you Liver?
}
} Don't drag me into this. Ask Heart, she's the one we all rely on
}
} Well... I think both sides of the argument have to be considered
}
} Oh shut up all of you! I'm the brain, I'm in control!
}
} You weren't in control when Lisa visited last night... I was.
}
} Look, I've told you to shut up especially!
}
} Supplicant, could you come back later - I need to give the toes a stern
} talking to, they've been TOLD not to incite rebellion, and they didn't
} seem to get the message.
}
} You owe the Oracle your pancreas
]]>
<![CDATA[
--- 1360-09 25oe8 3.4 ----------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Dr. Noe <drnoe@adelphia.net>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle Most Wise and Superhuman,
>
> Who is the next comic book hero we will see a blockbuster
> movie made about?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Voiceover: In Troubled Times...
} (Crane shot panning over people sitting at computers in cubicles)
} Voiceover: The World looks for...
} (camera pans over the exterior of a huge marble temple)
} Voiceover: A HERO!
} (Sunrise over the mountains, the shadow of a man in a robe)
} (fast music)
} (Montage: a mass of woodchucks growling/a puny man in a purple robe
} groveling/a caveman looking confused/a scruffy man running/a computer
} room/a staff swinging through the air/a lighting strike)
} (cut to black/single drumbeat)
}
} T.I.O.
}
} Coming soon to a theatre near you.
}
} (many woodchucks were harmed in the making of this movie)
]]>
<![CDATA[
--- 1364-08 29aif 3.6 ----------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Dr. Noe <drnoe@adelphia.net>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle Most Wise and Vocabularyful,
>
> Which of these ten words does not belong?
>
> 1. defenestration
> 2. serendipity
> 3. onomatopoeia
> 4. discombobulate
> 5. plethora
> 6. callipygian
> 7. juxtapose
> 8. persnickety
> 9. kerfuffle
> 10. flibbertigibbet
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} "Discombobulated by the kerfuffle, the persnickety flibbertigibbet
} practiced defenestration, only by serendipity landing on a plethora of
} callipygian pigs, and onomatopoetically whoomping"
}
} The word that doesn't belong is "juxtapose", because it's the only one
} that doesn't relate to your immediate future.
}
} You owe the Oracle a pecuniary allotment of remuneration. But be sure
} to bathe first.
]]>